Barrett On The Run?
nÓse Editor Skips Town, Rope

Gettin' Piggy Wit' It: Bar A Hit Despite Sodomy-Related Name

Tongues are wagging in pubs all over Boston about the recent disappearance of Tír na nÓse editor and local entertainer Mike "Grizzly" Barrett.  All manner of rumors are being discussed, from abduction by aliens to abduction of aliens.  The nÉws has exclusive information indicating that the fugitive fingerpicker may be hiding in Ireland.  It is believed that Barrett has gone there to preview a new batch of offensive, tasteless songs for the Littlest Bar's Summer '99 J-1s.  Barrett has long found a friendly audience for his risqué repertoire among the young Irish lads, many of whom have eagerly traveled thousands of miles to hear his rendition of "Blow Me."  In his absence, the Tír na nÓse presses have come to a stop, depriving Boston's alcoholic community of their weekly dose of dated humor.

It seems like just yesterday that this author heard about yet another grand opening of the Squealing Pig, but in fact, it was the day before yesterday.  The nÉws is pleased to report that the Squealing Pig is getting rave reviews and doing brisk business, all despite the overt reference to that classic movie of sodomy by the river, "Deliverance."  It seemed suspicious that the Irish community, notoriously skittish about issues of love between back-water hillbillies and back-to-nature city boys, would rally behind a bar whose name evokes just such a relationship.  However, it is widely assumed that "Deliverance," released in 1972, has not yet opened in Irish theaters and therefore is not generally known among the population.

nÉws Editor: "nÓse Blows"

With the debut issue of the Tír na nÉws hitting the local bar scene, the anonymous editor of the nÉws has issued a press release.  "I hereby declare that the nÓse blows," the statement read.  "Furthermore, it is my belief that the we will soon have the nÓse running in the face of the stiff competition our paper will provide.  No longer will this town need to put up with the stuffy nÓse staffers.  That bloody nÓse will be crushed like a bug!  If consumers want to pick the nÓse, that will be their choice, but we are confident they'll prefer our good nÉ."

• Articulate post on ThenÓg.Com's Message Board revealed as hoax.
  
• Piggies challenge Noggers to steel cage match in "GuinnessMania IV."
  
• Wooden Leg actually made of amazing Space Age polymer.
  
• Littlest Bar to expand, to be known as "Pretty Small Bar."
  
• New nÓg doorman drops "Friendly Bouncer" title, will be known as "Lazy Bouncer."
  
• Ronan debuts new Marley cover.
  
• Tom Jordan rumored to be new "holiday manager" of Littlest Bar.