nÓse Fires Back, Misses

With the return of Mike Barrett to Boston, the Tír na nÓse has once again returned to publishing.  In his comeback issue, Barrett managed to find space to answer the nÉ's charge that the nÓse has run its course.  (Insiders tell us that fitting the response in was no easy feat, and has required Mr. Barrett to serialize his extensive coverage of his Ireland trip over several issues.)   In typical nÓse fashion, the response takes several cheap shots at this paper's publisher, writers and readers.  The editorial even included a desperate attempt by Barrett to increase the circulation of his floundering porn rag "Chicks With Willies."  Our spies inside Barrett's sweatshop press informed us that in today's issue of the nÓse, Barrett gleefully celebrates the demise of this paper.  Well, Mr. Barrett, rumors of our demise have been printed in an Irish paper -- that is to say, greatly exaggerated.  You have not seen the last of us!

• Hammel trial ends, found guilty of sounding "like Hybrasil on crack."
  
• Philip & Cara have bought a new car, which we recently spotted Robert whacking with a hurling stick.
  
• Tim O'Meara announces opinion on Patriot's draft -- "Not a Steve Grogan in the bunch."
  
• nÓg wonders what to replace broken window with, Feargal lobbies for nudie poster.
  
• Dorothy Kelly Gay kicks ass in debate, wins big points with "4 a.m. nÓg Closing" platform.
  
• License plate HYG395, you're car is about to be towed from the lot.
  
• Ronan "Fluffy" Quinn buys new guitar, Cat Stevens covers sound the same anyway.