Booze Markets In Turmoil
McGunnigle Dry Out Blamed

The Ad Nauseam Tour
nÓse "Editor" Returns To Boston

The Irish restaurant and liquor industry has been left reeling by Nora "Everything Looks Bad If You Remember It" McGunnigle's recent decision to stay sober for a while.  "I think it's great that she's getting her life together," said Paddy Grace of the Littlest Bar, "but I have a family to feed.  What am I to do with all this extra Guinness?"  The Littlest was not the only bar left with extra stock now that Nora is consuming only fruit juice.  Even the nÓg, where Nora has not been seen for some time, has been affected.  "I've been keeping this emergency supply of whiskey in case she returned," said nÓgmeister Robert Elliott.  "Now I'll have to sell it for half price just to reclaim the space." 

As suspected, nÓse publisher Mike Barrett resurfaced this week after a brief tour of Ireland he dubbed the "Millennium Tour."  Immediately upon returning, Barrett announced the continuation of his "Ad Nauseam Tour," which will feature gigs at the usual places -- Tír na nÓg, the Littlest and the Pig -- and his traditional repertoire of dirty folk songs.  "Sure it was great to play some new places," said Barrett, "but what I really like doing is playing the same songs for the same people."

Out & About by Drinky the Drunk Guy

• Dave "I Didn't Want To Go Home, So I Found A Way To Stay Here" Forbes has returned to his post as the nÓg's "Friendly Bouncer."  Although Dave is having some trouble adjusting to life as the Junior Doorman, we hear he's getting excellent advice from the Senior Doorman, Doug "I Don't Like To Yell" Aldridge.
  
• From the Lost & Found Department: Alisha "Rip Van Winkle" Jansky briefly lost her beloved "Table Six" marker, a memento from her recent tour of Ireland.  The marker had last been seen at Tír na nÓg, which led to speculation that it was being held by kidnappers who would demand the return of the nÓg's clown mascot.  Tragedy was averted, however, when the marker mysteriously reappeared at Barrett's birthday bash.
  
• We hear that the nÓg has banned the sport of hurling from its premises.  No official reason was given, but it is believed to be linked to the broken window in the rear.  When reached for comment, Enda "Den Mother" Mullen said "This is not funny.  You people are a bunch of savages.  Now get out before I bar you.  What'll you have, a Tremont?"
  

nÓggers Prepare For Y2K
"Alcohol Supply Must Be Maintained"