Tremont IPA Finally Arrives
nÓg Patrons To Get Drunker, Faster

Somerville's Finest Indeed

The nÉws is pleased to report that the Tír na nÓg has completed the first stage of its planned infiltration of the local police force.  nÓg Bouncer Scotty "Watch And Learn" Whelan has successfully completed his training at the Police Academy and will soon begin hassling drunks in cars instead of hassling drunks in bars.  Although Scotty was disappointed to find that he would not be attending the Police Academy with Steve Gutenberg or Bubba Smith, he did report that he pulled several humorous pranks on the buffoonish Commandant Lassard.  Congratulations, Scotty -- we wish you many successful stop & searches in the future, and we'll start you off with this tip -- Mike Barrett keeps his stash underneath the steering column!

Late last week, to the great delight of Tremont fans and hard-core alcoholics alike, the nÓg finally installed Tremont IPA on tap.  The IPA represents a jump in alcohol content from 5.4% to 6.4%, and is an even larger increase from the Old Speckled Hen's 5.2%, which the IPA replaced.  This news was welcomed by Tremont fan and nÓg regular Steve "Don't Let The Suit Fool You" Sadowski, who expounded at length on the new product.  "This is great news," he told us.  "Usually when I double-fist, I have to use two pints of the regular Tremont Ale.  Although that's all well and good, it lacks the spice and variety that I enjoy.  Two hands, two flavors of Tremont -- I dare say it's about time!"  nÉws editor Douglas "IPA ASAP" Aldridge echoed Steve's statements, saying "Listen, Tremont Ale is fine for breakfast and light snacking, but when after noon or so I need something stiffer.  The IPA is strong enough to get the job done, and it tastes better than Windex."

Out & About by Drinky the Drunk Guy

• We hear that contrary to reports in the Tír na nÓse, nÓg bouncer and new truck owner Douglas "Off-Road No Longer Means Breakdown Lane" Aldridge will not be installing a gun rack in his new Toyota pickup.  However, he has been seen shopping for a samurai sword rack.
  
• The nÓg is becoming well known as the place to hear X-rated John Denver covers.
  
• nÓg owner Robert "Trust Me On This One" Elliot has been seen wearing a new T-shirt which reads "The Mayor Of Somerville Drank In My Bar And All I Got Is This Lousy T-shirt!"
  
• nÓg fly-girls Ann, Cordula and Eileen have formed a new dance troupe and will now collectively  be known as "Dances With Hybrasil."
  
• Our spies report that last weekend, Mike "Truck Envy" Barrett was spotted in Tír na nÓg on a non-performing night.  No word on whether pigs were actually flying, or if they will simply do so later.
  

Golf Tournament Scheduled
Patrons To Drink Outside For Once

Three local bars -- Tír na nÓg, The Littlest Bar and Biddy Mulligans -- will be sponsoring a golf tournament on June 7th.   The tournament will benefit a very worthy cause -- Paddy Grace's wallet -- and will feature many prizes, mostly stuff found in the nÓg's basement.  When asked if it was wise to have a group of drunks swinging metal clubs wildly about, Paddy Grace said "Nonsense!  That sort of thing happens every night at J.J. Foley's, and they do very well!"  As of press time, we could not confirm the rumor that Paddy Grace and Robert Elliott had formed a team with Arnold Palmer and Tiger Woods in an effort to avoid giving out any actual prizes.