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For several months, people passing the nÓg late at night have "heard noises" and seen a "large ghostly apparition" moving around inside. This in conjunction with bar paraphernalia changing position after closing, tables and chairs being moved and glasses being smudged when there was supposedly no one in the bar have led patrons and staff to believe that the nÓg was haunted. Last night this was proved not to be the case when owner Robert Elliot had decided to stay at the bar for several hours after closing to "experiment with some ways of streamlining our alcohol delivery system." While he was "experimenting" in the basement he came across a hidden secret door. Upon opening it, he discovered former employee Dan Mahoney living in a secret sub-basement room with a rubber love doll. "I never really left," Dan said. "Kieran told me we were playing a practical joke on you guys and that he'd let me know when I could come up." It seems that Dan had survived on a diet of whiskey and French fries. "It wasn't much different than home," he said.
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Everyone was happy when Mary began working at the Tír na nÓg. That is, until they discovered the awful truth: Mary has a naturally sunny disposition. "I can't help it," Mary claimed. "I was born this way." When reached for comment, co-owner Patsy Whelan said "Honestly, we had no idea. Her references assured us that she was as bitter and angry as any Irish bartender. The Tír na nÓg has built a reputation for its surly staff, and we fully intend to live up to that reputation." Rumors about Mary's cheerful bartending have been circulating for some time, including allegations that she serves patrons promptly and smiles while doing so. The truth was revealed when Mary was observed making little shamrocks in pints of Guinness. Mr. Whelan has promised a full investigation. (See related story, Page 2)
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