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One recent night, the nÓse editors were relaxing at the nÓg (with growling stomachs, as there were still no snacks), and they happened to wonder who was playing that night. There was a time, they recalled, when handy sheets of paper known as "calendars" circulated. These "calendars" would inform patrons of what act was playing on each night of the week. As the schedule became routine, these unique information delivery devices disappeared. Now that the bands on several nights have changed, the nÓse is left to wonder: who is playing? Who is the Monday guy? We at the nÓse are too hungry and drunk to ask again who's playing this Wednesday. Maybe we'll just go to the Burren. On second thought...save us a table.
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As the Tír na nÓg owners continue to deal with the fallout from the "Happy Bartender" scandal, this paper has uncovered another potential public relations nightmare for the once peaceful bar. The nÓse is currently in possession of information that strongly suggests Tír na nÓg bartender Enda does not drink alcohol. Witnesses have allegedly seen Enda drinking non-alcoholic beer, both off and on duty, as well as declining offers of drinks. There is also the matter of his suspicious absence from the booze cruise, where perhaps his aberrant behavior would not be so easily disguised. While some have pointed to the "Thanksgiving Incident" as evidence of Enda's alcohol consumption, many now believe that scene was an elaborate hoax designed to help him blend in with the drunk patrons and staff. Enda refused to comment for this article, although he did issue this statement: "Fuck off."
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