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In last week's column we noted that Nora McGunnigle was pursuing a relationship with a single, employed man. It turns out that he had no other discernable flaws, so Nora quickly dumped him. Several days later Beth Forrest was spotted taking the man in question home, and it looked like a solid relationship was forming. Sadly, the man's whereabouts are currently unknown. He was last seen at Logan Airport buying a one-way ticket to California.
We recently heard that young Connor Whelan has finished his first novel. When asked how he accomplished such a task at his young age, he said "It wasn't easy. Sometimes those things take forever to read!"
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Sources close to the highest officials on the Irish Pub scene in Boston have confirmed that the famous Aran knit Irish sweaters worn by veteran Irish folk legends "the Clancy Brothers" were actually manufactured in Boston by illegal Irish aliens from the tiny village of Ballycowshite in the County Kerry. The aliens have apparently been hidden in a secret room behind the storage arena at the Littlest Bar in downtown Boston. Health officials on a routine inspection of the kitchen and storage facilities at the Littlest discovered the illegal captives last week. Mixologist Sarah of County Derry stated that she was "shocked and dismayed" by the discovery. "I know those storage rooms and kitchen like the back of my hand," she said, "and it never occurred to me that the noises I heard behind the walls could be these poor souls, sure I thought it was just more rats." Littlest Bar proprietor Patrick Grace insists that he knew nothing of the operation, and says only three people have access to the area. nÓse sources name those three as Paddy Grace himself, mixologist Sarah, and another individual they would identify only as "Patsy." The captives themselves were no help in identifying their captors as they spoke no English, but a very unique combination of Gaelic and Spanish spoken only in their native Ballycowshite and by the kitchen staff at the Tír na nÓg. nÓse correspondents are keeping a watchful eye on all developments and implications of this story.
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In the past few months the nÓse has heard of several Jimmy Buffett sightings at the nÓg. In fact, many reliable people swore that he performed on the booze cruise. However, the nÓse has confirmed that the individual in question was actually Patsy Whelan. When reached for comment about this striking resemblance, Patsy said, "It's a common error. Many attribute it to the colorful Hawaiian shirt,
but it is in fact the white linen pants that most create the tropical flavor often associated with Jimmy Buffet." The nÓse would like to
suggest that the boat shoes don't hurt either.
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