Lip-Smacking Snacking!

How's Your Driving?

A historic even took place at the nÓg last week, when the fabled snack rack appeared in the kitchen.  Featuring such well-known snacks food as Doritos, Fritos and Lays the rack is currently hanging near the front door, opposite the Cigarette Monstrosity.  Long requested by patrons but not actually materializing until now, the snack rack was a welcome sight to many hungry drinkers.  Talk of late night snacks has been going on for years, but the actual preparations began shortly after the Tír na nÓse ran an investigative piece on the lack of food after the kitchen closes.   We at the nÓse do not like to toot our Pulitzer-prize deserving horn, but we would like to note that a similar effect was seen after the nÓse highlighted the lack of a coherent music schedule -- witness the recently unveiled chalkboard that features the weekly musical lineup.  Several people have even reported that the nÓg's ketchup bottles have been found to contain a substantial amount of ketchup, another problem highlighted by this paper.  The nÓse would like to commend the nÓg for listening to the voice of the people and fulfilling our desire for more unhealthy products to indulge in.  We would also like to give the nÓg management a heads up on our upcoming Spotlight Series investigating the frequently promised but never revealed "New Menu." 

With the Whelan family's trip to Ireland coming up fast, plans are rapidly forming for unsupervised fun.  While the Whelans are gone, their mini-van will be available to patrons of the nÓg. Since there is only one van but many drivers, it has been decided that the nÓg will run a "Decimated Driver" contest to determine who should have the use of the vehicle.  The contest will be a race both against the clock and other drivers. The patrons with the 5 highest blood alcohol levels will each be required to drive Robert Elliott in the back of  the Whelan's van from the Tír na nÓg to the Littlest Bar. Winners will be determined based on three categories: 1. total round trip time -- we're looking for the fastest time; 2. number of dents on return minus dents on departure -- more is better; and 3. returning with Robert in the van -- if Robert has disappeared, you'll be disqualified.  The winner will get unlimited use of the Whelan van while they're gone, as well as a membership to the Squealing Pig's soon to be announced "Frequent Drinkers After Hours Club."

Tír na nÓg Top Ten Singles
10. "Wish You Were Beer," Weird Al Folkavich.
9. "The Foggy Dew," Sarah Kennedy.
8. "Kitchen Man," Mary The Opera Singer.
7. "I'm Not Lyle Lovett," Dennis Brennan.
6. "General Taylor," Scot Burns.
5. "Man From Iraq," Mike Barrett.
4. "Closing Time," Feargal O'Toole.
3. "From Clare To Here," Every nÓg performer.
2. "The Rodeo," Patsy Robert.
1. "The Old F**king Triangle," Fluff Daddy / DJ TJ.