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"Because We Have To Leave Sometime"
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Vacation Synchronicity:
What's Up With That?
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By now, you may have noticed that this week's nÓse is a little light on content. The reason for this appalling lack of attention is that as you read this, the nÓse staff is vacationing on Cape Cod. Yes, even those of us obsessed with the Tír na nÓg must step away every so often and drink in an entirely different bar. Although we were tempted to skip this issue entirely, we felt it would be wrong to leave our loyal readers with nothing to do for a whole week. The nÓse should be back for next Tuesday, depending on how many gin & tonics we're able to throw back in a week's time. In the meantime, we ask that any good gossip be sent our way as soon as we return, so that the nÓse can stay current. See you in a week!
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Several astute nÓse readers have pointed out that the nÓse staff's Cape Cod vacation has conveniently coincided with the Whelan family's trip to Ireland. Many stories are being tossed about to explain this extraordinary explanation. Our current favorite rumor is that the nÓse staff and the Whelans are actually one and the same -- after all, you've never seen them in the same place together, have you? Oh wait, you probably have. Another popular theory is that the nÓse writers feel that with the Whelans out of the country, there will be a serious lack of material to work with. A similar theory holds that with Patty the Hen gone, there will be no one left behind worth offending. The nÓse would like to take this opportunity to set the record straight: all of these theories are interesting, but incorrect. The actual truth is that the Whelans will not be going to Ireland at all, but to the Cape with the nÓse staff. In fact, Patsy "Scratchy" Whelan is not even Irish, he is actually a native Long Islander who long ago realized that chicks dig Irish accents. The nÓse staff and the Whelan family will be thinking of you all while we relax on the Cape!
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Top Ten Things We'll Miss About The nÓg
10. Feargal O'Toole's charming wit.
9. Mike Barrett's "See Who Gets Offended And Leaves First" contest.
8. Two words: Tremont Ale.
7. The cigarette machine.
6. Enda's "menu."
5. Supersize.
4. Robert's tender Neil Diamond covers.
3. Fluffy's dreadlocks.
2. That Sinead Lohan CD.
1. Hearing all the gossip we should be publishing.
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