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The scandal surrounding nÓg bartender Feargal O'Toole hit its peak last week with the appointment of a Special Prosecutor to investigate allegations of sexual impropriety at the Tír na nÓg. At issue is whether O'Toole properly extended every effort in his attempt to bed a female patron. The scandal first hit the nÓg several weeks ago, when the nÓse's Internet gossip column "SnotnÓse" reported that O'Toole had allegedly given up his pursuit of an attractive woman after his first rejection. The woman, who wished to remain anonymous, told the nÓse that O'Toole had made a half-hearted pass at her two weeks ago, and did not follow up after her initial brush-off. O'Toole immediately denied the report, saying "I attempted to have sexual relations with that woman." However, nÓg patrons widely dismissed his denial as political posturing, until finally the nÓg Executive Council (Patty Whelan and Paddy Grace) had to act. In a statement released last weekend, long-time nÓg patron Tim "The Terminator" O'Meara was named "Special Prosecutor for the Investigation Of Feargal O'Toole's Libido." "I plan to get to the bottom of this," O'Meara said, "just as soon as I figure out what libido means." Most nÓg patrons welcomed the choice of O'Meara as Special Prosecutor, though some accused the Executive Council of "Irish bias." The nÓse will be following this story closely in the weeks to come.
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Way back on July 14th, the vision of several disturbed, nÓg-obsessed drunks gave birth to this bastard child of proper journalism, the Tír na nÓse. Few thought it was funny, even fewer thought they would hear more from these obviously doomed individuals, who were no doubt destined to slowly pickle their brains at the bar. Those nay-sayers were only half right. Well into its third month, the nÓg is going strong, and the folks behind it are, well, going nowhere. Not since Animal House have so few drinking jokes been milked for so much, and we don't plan to stop now. Rumors of behind-the-scenes backstabbing, staff infighting and occasional sobriety are greatly exaggerated at best. In fact, the nÓse staff's recent brainstorming retreat to Cape Cod has left them feeling refreshed and ready for another ten issues. However, without the readers we'd be nowhere. The nÓse staff wish to thank all our loyal readers for keeping us going this long. In fact, Mike Barrett is so happy about the tenth issue that he has sworn to personally buy a beer for each reader of this issue. Way to go, Mike!
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