Letters To The Editor

Happy Birthday, Freak
Nora Gets Older But No Wiser

Dear Ed,
When is Patty ever coming back from Ireland?  Things are falling apart at the nÓg.  Especially in the ladies' room -- we haven't had so much as a fresh roll of toilet paper since she left!

  Desperately seeking Charmin,  Swipesy

[Editor:  Patty will be back any day now.  In the meantime, you should realize that the male nÓg staff only go in the ladies' room to relieve themselves.  The nÓse suggests packing your own TP, or grabbing some bar napkins.]

To The Editor:
I, for one, am very concerned about the changing of nÓse editors mentioned in the last issue.  I fear that with Mike Barrett at the helm, the nÓse will become another vehicle for his racist, sexist, fascist, ageist, Eurocentric, homophobic brand of humor.
  Signed,
  The Easily Offended

[Editor: Exactly.  Enjoy!]

Nora McGunnigle will be celebrating her 25th birthday this Tuesday, but still seeks the wisdom that has been promised with age.  "I just don't understand it," Nora told this reporter.  "All my life people have said 'With age, comes wisdom.'  But I've been aging for years now and I'm still dating unemployed skanky old dudes."  Along with the low quality of potential suitors, Nora cited her lack of direction in her career as another signal that the promised wisdom had not been forthcoming.   A quick nÓse survey of other nÓg patrons revealed that others share this belief.  "Dude, she was in here a few weeks ago," said one anonymous gentleman.  "She was here with a few friends, and they were all drunk, getting up in people's faces and saying 'We are too much woman for you!'  That doesn't sound too wise to me!"  Other patrons disagreed.  "You remember that little dude she was with," said Beth Forrest, a friend of Nora's, "the one with the teeny feet and no job?  She dropped him, didn't she?  That was pretty smart."  Beth could not explain why it took Nora so long to do the obvious thing, however.  If anyone has any wisdom to pass along to Nora, now's the time -- she's well overdue.  And let's all join in wishing Nora a very happy birthday!

Things That Make You Go Hmm

• Who was that surly brute behind the bar Monday night, and what did he do with Enda?
  
• How does Sara keep her youthful good-looks despite all the time spent in the nÓg?
  
• Is it possible that the nÓse staff drank even more on the Cape than they do at the nÓg?
  
• How come Mary got to house-sit for the Whelans, and not Feargal?  He's got seniority!
  
• Why does everyone in the bar laugh when someone says "Can I see a menu?"
  

Election '98: nÓse Goes Gay

Although by the time you read this, the election will have been decided, the Tír na nÓse would like to register its support for Dorothy Kelly Gay.  Although several candidates paraded through the nÓg in an attempt to win the votes of drunks, Gay was by far the classiest, and the only one to come back later.  Best of luck to her, we hope to see more of her in the future!