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In a bold attack over Paddy's Day weekend, the large Irish flag banner that wrapped the nÓg on Paddy's Day was stolen. The theft, thought to have occurred sometime between closing time on Saturday and early Sunday morning, was first noticed by Feargal "I Can Do Anything, I'm Irish" O'Toole. Said O'Toole, "When I left the pub Saturday night, I'm almost certain it was still hanging. And when I arrived Sunday morning, at the first light of day as always, I'm pretty sure it was gone." Brunch Chef Melissa Hilbert, the only employee actually present on Sunday morning, claimed to have heard or seen nothing out of the ordinary. Suspicion immediately fell upon Mike "I Know Nothing" Barrett, who denied involvement when contacted by this reporter. "I know nothing," Barrett claimed. As usual, Barrett's denial of involvement was taken by some as proof of his responsibility. Others have suggested that Mike Barrett could not have been responsible, as the banner would not likely fit in his Tracker. "Whoever did this would need a larger vehicle, like a Matchbox or something," said crack detective Arthur O'Brien. At this point, suspects in the bar are few, as it is widely believed that none of the nÓg regulars are athletic enough to have gotten on to the nÓg's roof. No evidence was found at the scene, and there are as of yet no witnesses to the crime. Tír na nÓg owner Robert "Why Does This Always Happen In My Bar?" Elliott told the nÓse
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