Time-Clock Fascists Must Stop
A nÓse Editorial, by Doug E. Fresh

Out & About by Drinky the Drunk Guy

• We hear that Chris the Doorman is giving up his Friday night shift, because he believes his quality is slipping.  Last Saturday, two grandmothers got in without showing ID.
  
• Robert Elliott's "company car" is now on the road, after spending a few days in Pat's Tow lot.  Word is that the guys at Pat couldn't bear to look at it any longer and just gave it back.
  
• Speaking of cars, Dave "I Almost Made It Out Of This Issue Without Getting Ragged" Forbes is making noise about getting his wheels on the road again.  Sure, there's a new menu now, we'd love to see something else impossible actually done!
  
• Congratulations to the new parents at the nÓg--Tara and Donal have produced another future Paddy Grace employee, while the Mayor's lackey Sean Fitzgerald and his wife are sporting their own future anti-Buonomo voter.  Way to go, kids!
  
• Tír na nÓg regular Barb "I'm Not Always With Debi" Parys not only has a job with a hot Internet company, but she's slowly recruiting all her fellow patrons into the fold.  Some are believed to be holding out for the option of telecommuting from the bar.
  

We were all very happy when the long promised time clock appeared at the nÓg, and looked forward to many months of good fun vying for the coveted "most time spent in the pub" title.  We were even willing to play along with the overbearing rules, such as not getting credit for "overtime" and having to clock out by 1 a.m.  However, those that make and enforce the rules have gone overboard with their policy that failing to clock out forfeits your entire week's time.  Now surely, if you fail to punch out after a shift at the bar, you lose your hours for the day.  No documentation, no credit.  But taking away a week's worth of hard-earned time for one single infraction is too harsh.  Clearly, it has had an effect on the fun, as very few people are now bothering to punch in, let alone punch out, and are thinking of punching Damon instead.  No one wants that (well, most don't), so let's have some common sense--miss a punch-out, lose your day--not your week!

Advice From The Bar: Ask Robert

Dear Robert,
I have been thinking about opening my own bar, and I was wondering if you could give me some advice on what things to avoid, what things worked for you, etc.  For instance, Feargal says I need to remove all the limes from the Corona bottles before returning them--is that true?  If so, how do you do it?  Also, Enda tells me that Head Chefs never do any actual cooking.  I find that hard to believe, but I've never seen him do any, so maybe it's true.  Anyway, any advice you could give me would be truly appreciated.
Sincerely, Some Guy Who Knows You
Dear Some Guy I Can't Remember Meeting,
What?
Sincerely, Robert

10. Wrap PJ Ryan's.
9. Create a line of "Authentic nÓg Summer Wear."
8. Two words: Enda's jeep.
7. Make a hammock for the basement.
6. New drapes in the apartment.
5. Endless supply of nÓg napkins.
4. Sell it on eBay.
3. Wrap the apartment and pretend it's  the pub.
2. Leave it in the basement and forget about it.
1. Just give the damn thing back!